


eight letters

by iseemikimouse



Series: and we will love you for a thousand years [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bubbles - Freeform, Cuddles, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Nightmares, Non Idol!AU, Poly SKZ, Thanks, a bit angsty, a brief panic attack, are there any other tags i'm missing, but so does changbin and hyunjin, chan needs more sleep, does cursing count?, everything takes place in a single day, he just has dark thoughts once in a while, homophobia is kinda dumb, i don't know what that classifies under, i probably didn't describe it right because i don't know them well, jisung does eat just so you know, love is love is love is love, mentions of dark thoughts, please tell me how to tag, really ugly thoughts that no one should think, seungmin is a sweetheart, seungmin tries not have panic attacks, seungmin wants his boyfriends to be happy, that tells him he shouldn't, this makes me SOFT, well there's a bit of cursing.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-10-10 18:11:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17430947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iseemikimouse/pseuds/iseemikimouse
Summary: In which Seungmin makes it his personal mission for the day to make all of his lovers smile and know how much he loves them.





	1. why is it so hard to say?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi and welcome to my new project of Miki really needs to stop coming up with things while she's supposed to be writing something else. I'm currently in the process of trying to finish writing another skz story while crying about my exo fic that stares at me everyday. I will try and upload a new a new chapter every tuesday until this is complete. (if i don't follow this and you would like to come and angrily talk to me or not, please do so on [twitter](https://twitter.com/iseemikimouse). thank you:)
> 
> This is also a very self indulgent fic because I currently have the mentality of, if there's a fic where skz is in a poly relationship where no one but one person is having a good day (kinda) and that one person wants to shower them with love and i can't find it, might as well make one. And that's all to it.
> 
> And that's all I have to say because that's all I can remember what I want to say. So I hope you enjoy!

[eight letters: we don't we](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQix0eKwlww)

 

When Felix walks past Seungmin without much of a glance, he can tell it’s not going to be a good day. Every morning since they have been a couple, it’s always been filled with good morning kisses and soft glances. Only when the voices in Felix's head get to be too loud, is there no sleepy glances and lips pressed into skin.

It's instinctual to run to Chan's room, but when he does, all he sees are large eye bags under the elder's tired eyes. His second boyfriend looks like he was killed and brought back to life with how pale his skin is. He remembers, then, getting up in the wee hours of the morning where the sounds of Jeongin’s loud snores should have been the only he could hear. Faintly, though, he could listen to the weak beats of bass coming from the home studio.

"Is everything alright, Seungminnie?" Chan asks, his voice gruff.

Seungmin shakes his head. "Yes, hyung. Get some sleep."

The smile on Chan's face is loud enough for Seungmin to hear how tired he is but the words coming out of his mouth are the opposite. "I have to finish something. Besides, I'm not tired. I'll sleep then."

Seungmin wants to push the other into his room and tuck him into bed, but instead, he nods and moves out of the way for Chan to leave his room.

Seungmin sighs and turns on his heel only to slam into Woojin. The eldest doesn't look tired or sleepy, but the way he's gripping his phone in his hand is enough for Seungmin to see that Woojin is upset. The smile he gives Seungmin has the latter's heart finally breaking into tiny pieces.

"Hyung are yo-?"

"It's nothing, Seungminnie," Woojin says hurriedly. "Just the parents and the usual."

"Wooj-"

"I'm okay. I promise."

But Seungmin knows his boyfriend, he knows all of his boyfriends enough to know when they're not alright, and the white knuckles and the quiet cracking of Woojin's phone screen are enough to prove Seungmin's fears. He blinks at Woojin whose smile begins to turn awkward. He opens his mouth to say something when Felix returns upstairs with a heavy look in his eyes.

Seungmin looks to Woojin, whose eyes follow Felix into his room.

The whiteness of Woojin's knuckles begins to turn into their usual colour as he furrows his brows. He turns to Seungmin who smiles sadly.

"Go cuddle Felix, Wooj hyung. I'm sure it'll make the two of you feel better."

Woojin opens his mouth, most likely to tell Seungmin that's he's alright, but he shuts it just as fast. With a small smile and a quiet nod, Woojin heads into Felix's room with a "hey Lixie.".

There's a soft smile on Seungmin's face, but the feeling of a creeping panic attack sits at the base of his skull. The sense of not being able to help three out of his eight boyfriends isn't a good one, but he swallows it down and continues on.

In their household, the mornings are usually too loud for his liking but this quiet morning doesn't sit well with him. Jisung isn't complaining about the boring the white walls are or how there are not enough pictures on the wall of the nine of them. Jisung's complaining would then be followed by a loud screech of "Minho hyung get off me. I want to cuddle Innie Nini!". Hyunjin would be laughing loud enough for Changbin to stomping passed Seungmin yelling for the three of them to shut up.

But there's none of that.

He's almost scared to walk down the stairs and passed their family pictures, but he does. He counts each step, wondering when he was going to be hearing the usual noises, and with each level, he's greeted with nothing.

The TV in the living room is off, and there's no one draped across the back of the couch. A noise comes from the kitchen which prompts Seungmin to make his way there. He sees Chan staring blankly at the wall, his mind most likely moving a mile per minute, Jeongin's back in the pantry, and Jisung and Minho sitting at the table.

Everything is wrong though.

In front of Jisung sits a plate of eggs and toast, all of it untouched. Jisung stares at the plate with tears running down his face. He shakes his head a few seconds before covering his face with his hands. Keeping his cries quiet, he pulls his knees to his chest. Minho sits next to him, drawing the younger into his lap and tracing fingers up and down Jisung's spine. The typical bright boy curls himself into Minho's embrace as if asking the question why he couldn't pick up his chopsticks to shove food into his mouth.

Minho catches Seungmin's eyes and shakes his head before continuing to press soft kisses into Jisung's hair and whisper things Seungmin can't hear.

He shifts his gaze to the pantry when Jeongin still stands with a ridged back. The sight is enough for him to stride across the room quickly and turn their youngest around.

Jeongin has his own tears rolling down his cheeks, but his eyes aren't with them. Instead, they see things Seungmin can't see. Jeongin's hands are clenched and shaking, and his mouth is open like he's trying to say something only for his breath to come out in rapid puffs.

Seungmin acts before his mind can tell him otherwise. He grabs Jeongin's hands and smooths them open. He links their fingers together before he looks into the dark pools of the younger. Jeongin's breathing slows.

“Jeonginnie,” he says sweetly. “Innie, you’re okay. Nothing is going to happen.”

Jeongin doesn’t respond to Seungmin’s words for another few minutes, but by then, Seungmin has told Jeongin and the entire story of how a coffee prince was needed to save the Tea Kingdom. The little smile on Jeongin's face when he finally listens to Seungmin's words are worth it, and the squeezing of their fingers is enough for Seungmin to stop worrying for a few minutes.

"You need to sit down," Seungmin says. "Come on."

"Seungminnie hyung," Jeongin says instead of moving. "You're not leaving right?"

The question surprises Seungmin for a brief moment before it clicks that the younger must have had another nightmare. Its a couple of moments before Seungmin answers, startled at the fact that Jeongin's dreams seem to more vivid than usual.

"I'm not leaving, Innie," he says as he pushes out the thought of Jeongin's nightmares out of his mind. "I promise that I won't leave you."

The look of relief is enough for Seungmin to wrap his arms around the taller male who sags in his embrace.

"They lied," Jeongin whispers.

"And they'll always lie. Remember that your nightmares will never come to life, Innie. They never will."

"I know."

Seungmin wonders if Jeongin really does know that they wouldn't leave him for anyone else. Jeongin is their youngest lover and their baby. Who would they want instead of him?

Seungmin leads Jeongin out of the pantry and into Chan's waiting arms. He must have heard everything that was happening, but it's not like they weren't in a spot hidden by anything.

Chan pulls Jeongin to the couch, leaving Seungmin in the kitchen by himself. When he was trying to calm Jeongin down, Jisung and Minho had left the table with Jisung's eggs on top of it.

There's a faint growl of his stomach, but that feeling is overtaken by the want to stay home and help his boyfriends feel somewhat normal. He moves to sit at the table, his mind running in the possibles of what he can do when he remembers the messages from last night. Both Hyunjin and Changbin stayed at school perfecting what didn't need to be improved. A little flutter of anger makes itself known in Seungmin’s mind, mentally scolding the two older boys for not taking care of themselves as they promised. He hasn't personally seen both boys in a couple of days, and he knows they other haven't unless they're Chan and Minho.

He remembers sometime last week when Hyunjin came to his room while Changbin and Felix were knocked out a few feet away. He remembers the tear tracks against Hyunjin's cheeks as he confessed that his teachers hated him and were always talking down to him. While Seungmin was angry, he had a boyfriend to console with praises on how he was one of the best dancers in his department. They stayed like that until Hyunjin's breath evened out against Seungmin's neck. It was the next day when Hyunjin had no dance classes did Seungmin travel to the dance studio and shared his concerns about Hyunjin's teachers with the dean. The man promised to look into his teachers but, Seungmin's not sure if the other kept his promise or not.

Changbin was the opposite of his emotions when it came to sharing them with his boyfriends. Instead, it's them that figure out when something happened to the other when he holes himself in one of the University music rooms.

He had joined a large music company when he was fourteen, taking on the role of being one of youngest music producers in the industry. While everyone is extremely proud of him, Seungmin can't help but wonder if Changbin's company is tearing the young producer apart. Changbin should be working, yes, but he should also be spending time with his boyfriends and wrapped in someone's arms while he snores loudly to compete with Jeongin's.

Seungmin drums his fingers on the table in thought. If seeing his boyfriends are they are wasn't a harsh slap in the face that today was going to be a horrible day, then he doesn't know what would have been.

If everything wasn’t a loud cry that today was going to be a hard day for the all of them, then Seungmin isn’t sure what would have been.

He tries to think of what he could do to make everyone have a small piece of happiness and falls short when anything decent appears. He groans, placing his head on the table and stares at his phone which he propped on one of Woojin's empty vases.

He stares hard at the vase when he swears he hears a loud _DING_ in the back of his head.

He can do that and that. Definitely that.

He jumps from his seat, the chair wobbingly on all four legs before staying still, and rushes to the stairs. He stops his rush for a moment to watch Chan smoothing out Jeongin's hair on the couch. The glassy look on Jeongin is slowly leaving, but Chan's isn't. His mind wants to coo, but he shoves it away for a few seconds before running up the stairs.

The noise he's making is loud, but he doesn't care. Slamming open his door, he can feel the whole house jump and hear small complaints of no slamming doors Kim Seungmin! He looks to Changbin's cold bed and stares at it when Changbin's idea comes into play. He'll have to hunt for one, but he's positive he'll find it.

Throwing on clothes and picking up his wallet, he looks at his backpack wondering if he should take it with him and go to classes but the thought quickly leaves his mind.

Classes be damnned. Seungmin needs supplies so he can begin his plan.

He's out the door before Chan can say anything.


	2. give me love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Seungmin looks for Studio 156 with Munchlax.

[give me love: ed sheeran](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFk3aOvAUvc)

 

Seungmin has three black bags, and one giant stuffed animal in his hands when he steps foot on University property. He has everyone but Woojin's present in hand as he's scared he'll crush his eldest lover's gift. 

Odd looks come from many people as he waddles through campus with too many things. People point and talk, but no one comes up to him to ask questions.

For the first time since he's been a student here, he's cursing how large everything is. To effectively reach Changbin's building, he would need to cross the central courtyard and Hyunjin's building. Hopefully, he would be able to drag Changbin out of his hidden hole so they could get Hyunjin who was most likely drowning in music and complicated footwork. 

As he passes the Student Center, he makes a split second decision of putting the bags he doesn't need away. He's thankful that Woojin had told them about the lockers on the second floor that could be rented out to students.

A cold rush of air hits him when he walks inside. Students mill around talking to each other or rushing in different directions. He looks at the stairs before just staring at them. It would take too long to walk up the stairs and put what he doesn't need away, but then he wouldn't have to walk all the way to Changbin's studio with both arms full of things. He sighs.

"Seungmin?" a voice calls out startlingly the said male.

He peeks over his shoulder to see dark hair and a face similar to his. He lets out a small smile.

"Wonpil hyung," Seungmin greets. "Hello."

Wonpil looks at Seungmin's hands and motions to them. "Do you?"

With a sheepish smile, Seungmin nods. "If you don't mind."

The older man smiles and grabs one of the bags and the stuffed animal. "What is all of this for?" he asks as they climb the stairs.

Seungmin hums. "For everyone at home. It doesn't seem to be a good day."

Wonpil doesn't question anything as Seungmin leads him to where the lockers are. As he walks, he begins to sift through the bags, looking for the three items he'll need.

"Where are you headed off to first? Aren't you supposed to have classes today?" Wonpil asks when they're next to the lockers.

"Today wasn't a good day for them, hyung. I'm needed more as a boyfriend at the moment, and I'm going to Changbin hyung's studio."

Wonpil raises a brow. "He's still here? He said that he was going home last night."

Seumgin's mouth forms an o as he fiddles with the lock, making a small noise of excitement as he opens the locker. "You saw him? He told us last night that he wasn't coming home. Something about finishing a project for his company."

Wonpil sighs when he looks at his phone. "He's going to work himself to death."

Seungmin gives a tight smile. "Not if I can help it," he says grabbing the single bag and closing the locker. 

"I know. Just look after you and him okay?"

"I know hyung."

Wonpil leaves after a couple of seconds of angry texting, smiling he walks away, leaving Seungmin to his thoughts. Wonpil's words were honestly something he didn't want to think of. At least not yet.

He looks to the bag in his hand and wonders if this would be enough for Changbin but more importantly, what if it was wrong? What if Changbin kicks him out of his studio and calls Seungmin a nuisance for coming all this way?

What if?

What if?

What if?

Seungmin notices the panic creeping up his hands, but he shoves it back down. He doesn't have time for this. He needs to complete his goals for today.

When he's sure that he's calm, he turns on his heel and rushes out of the Student Center, needing the fresh air. He breathes it in through his nose and out of his mouth like he did with Jeongin in the morning. He feels himself calm down the more he pushes the thoughts away and promises to deal with them when he's not trying to finish something.

The walk to Changbin's building doesn't take to long for him to complete. He passes the large Music Department sign and opens the door. He's greeted with various musical instruments and people yelling. People line the hallways, running into and out of classrooms, talking to their friends or professors. It's slightly overwhelming for Seungmin as his own building has quiet students who line the hallways with books in their faces, mumbling lines out loud.

Hi eyes land to the corner of the room is a large bulletin is. Walking over, he already thinks he knows where Changbin is, but maybe he's gotten a different one this time.

He's proven wrong when in black ink is Changbin's name followed by the number 156 on the second floor. With a quiet sigh, he begins his walk again, not paying attention to the loud voices in the background. The moment he takes a step on the second floor, it's like everything has changed. The atmosphere is ten times different from before with silent halls and not a soul in sight.

The number begins at 120, and soon enough, he's standing in front of room 156.

In his head, he pictures Changbin hunched over a soundboard, the same melody playing repeatedly. He sees the frustration on the other's face before hitting the board a couple of times before going back to work like nothing's changed.

When he raises his hand to knock, the same panic from earlier is there again. What if Changbin tells him to leave and not to come back? He would do it but not without feeling utterly useless because of Changbin was going to yell at him for coming all this way, wouldn't Hyunjin do the same thing?

No Seungmin, he tells himself. Everything will be okay.

He knocks a couple of times when he finds the studio, but there’s no answer. He waits a couple more minutes before knocking again. When there's no answer the second time, Seungmin opens the door, heavy bass fills his ears. It’s no wonder Changbin didn’t hear the knocks as the producer has large headphones on his ears. Tired dark eyes stare at the screen while the cursor moves around the screen.

Changbin’s back is straight as he keeps himself upright against his chair. The cursor stops moving when he throws his head back and groans, startling Seungmin who’s staring.

While he loves Changbin just as much as the others, he can’t help but love him a little more watching him work in his element. He knows the other needs his rest and he hopes what he brought him will help, but there’s just something about watching Changbin working that brings a smile to lips.

He’s distracted, and he knows it so he clears his throat, hoping the other can at least hear that. But no. Changbin’s head stays thrown back with his eyes tightly shut.

Seungmin reaches into the plastic bag before placing it on the chair in the corner. He stares at the box in his hand with a gentle tug of his lips. He turns back to have Changbin watching him with wide eyes as he takes off his headphones. Seungmin hides the box behind his back, laughing softly at the shocked look from the other. The elder’s mouth is open in surprise like he can’t believe Seungmin is standing in front of him. It quickly turns to confusion as he didn’t call Seungmin to come and get him, but then maybe someone else did?

“Min?” Changbin questions and Seungmin laughs a little louder this time.

“Hi hyung.”

“Wha-“

Seungmin clears his throat, that feeling of panic filling him again. He takes a deep breath and chant to himself 'this is Changbin, and he's not going to tell him to leave.'

“I thought,” he swallows, “I thought I would bring you something. You’ve been here for a while, and I know you’re busy, but you need to rest.”

The look in Changbin’s eyes softens as he sees Seungmin playing with the hem of his shirt. He reaches for the other, smiling when their fingers locked together. He brings their hands to his lips, pressing a soft kiss against Seungmin’s knuckles.

“You didn’t have to come all the way here,” he says. “I know your class is on the opposite side of campus.”

Seungmin shakes his head, squeezing their hands. “I’m not going to class today, hyung. I have people to take care of today. Important people.”

Changbin looks surprised again, nearly dropping their hands. “What?” he asks and Seungmin giggles. He leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead.

“I'm an affectionate boyfriend today. While I know that you know I love you, today I’m trying to shower all of you with affection and attention.” He reveals his other hand with the medium sized Pokemon box. “I know that you’re busy and as much as I want to bring you home, I know that you’re not going to want to come just yet but hyung,” he pauses squeezing the hand in his, “you have to rest. The computer isn’t going to leave for a couple of hours, and I know maybe now you can use a fresh mind.”

Seungmin smiles at the end of his small speech, hoping that it somewhat brings Changbin a little of home with it. He really looks at his hyung, noting the pale face and tired eyes his accustomed to seeing. He wants Changbin to know that while he’s happy that he’s following what his heart desires, he misses him. He misses seeing Changbin laughing with Felix as they cuddle on the couch, making faces at each other before calling Seungmin to come and join them.

Changbin takes the box from Seungmin’s hands, laughing at the cover. He runs his fingers over it, and Seungmin knows he picked the perfect present.

When Seungmin was thinking for Changbin, his thoughts went to Gyu, his Munchlax plushie when he thought of a sleeping mask. A Munchlax sleeping mask. It would be something he could take to the studio with him to cover his eyes when he got a little tired. He wasn’t sure if Changbin would like the eye mask, but from the ringing laughter and smile, he loves it all just as much as Seungmin hoped he would.

Looking at Changbin’s smile is enough for a Changbin sized piece of anxiety to flutter away.

“You- I love it,” Changbin says placing the box on the table next to him. He says nothing else as he pulls Seungmin more into his arms and presses his face into the soft fabric of his shirt.

Seungmin only smiles and presses soft kisses into Changbin’s hair, holding the older one as tightly as he can. He loves the feeling of having one of his loved ones in his arms, as he feels the tension fade out of his body. He doesn’t mind the soft caress of Changbin’s fingers against his back and instead relishes in the feeling.

The more kisses he places in the other’s hair, the more silent wishes he puts against his scalp. He places hopes of rest and a little bit of peace followed by tiny bits of inspiration that the prouder desperately needs. He wishes Changbin’s higher-ups give him a little bit of a break from working so hard and they like what Changbin has been working so hard on.

The final wish Seungmin presses on Changbin’s head is that the older feels the love he has in his heart. That Changbin feels the emotion Seungmin believes he lacks and that he knows how much he means him. His heart can only wish so much, but this is his most important wish.

The hold on Seungmin’s waist lessens but not by much. As if not to hurt Seungmin’s stomach, Changbin places his chin against it and looks into the dark pools of Seungmin’s eyes. The younger finds himself blushing but leaning down and pressing a soft kiss against Changbin’s lips.

One kiss becomes two and two becomes three.

Seungmin hopes these kisses give Changbin as much love as he needs until he gets home to be smothered with more love and longer kisses.

“Let’s go home,” Changbin says rest his forehead with Seungmin's. The elder's words surprise Seungmin. “I want Seungmin cuddles, and there’s no bed in the studio. Plus I can use my new sleeping mask.”

Seungmin smiles and presses another kiss against Changbin’s lips liking the sound of Changbin cuddles when he gets home but it'll have to wait. There’s still much more do to on his list. More people to give little things to and cuddles to be delivered.

“After I finish,” he says, “and then cuddles.”

Changbin pouts but nods, knowing fully well that when Seungmin has his mind set to something, he’ll follow it until it’s complete. He just hopes everyone else is ready for quiet, affectionate Seungmin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly y'all, I'm surprised I'm writing fluff. I live and breathe angsty things and I keep telling myself that I'm not going to be killing anyone in these chapters. 
> 
> I just begun writing again and these chapters are short which is something I'm not really used to anymore but then again, this chapter went from being 1.2k to almost 2.something and I'm confused on how that happened. 
> 
> I tried editing it myself so if you see any mistakes, please pardon them as I will eventually go back and edit them~ See you next Tuesday! (:


	3. i wouldn't mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Seungmin and Changbin travel to the land of dancers waddling like penguins.

[i wouldn't mind: he is we](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSjDXxN09A8)

Seungmin giggles when he walks out of the music building with Changbin wrapped around him like a koala, the black shopping bag threaded through his fingers. They garner strange looks from other university students as they walk pass to which Seungmin rolls his eyes at. He had stopped caring what other people thought a few years ago when Jisung wouldn't let go of his waist while he was kissing Chan.

He finds the situation amusing enough since Changbin is a couple of inches shorter than he is and yet, somehow the elder has his face nuzzled in Seungmin's neck.

Another giggle passes through Seungmin's lips as Changbin presses a soft kiss against his flesh which earns another few stares. The quiet laughs should have Seungmin's cheeks a little red but the loud screech of Seungmin's name followed by a loud "SHUT UP ZHONG CHENLE. THAT WAS MY EAR" has Seungmin's face apple red.

"Seungmin hyung!" Chenle shouts. "Why are you so cute with your boyfriend? I don't understand. Park Jisung, why don't you coddle me like that!?"

Seungmin feels Changbin mumble something on his back as he smiles to Chenle and continues to walk towards the Dance building.

It's always surprising for Seungmin when he sees Hyunjin's building. Instead of the monotonous grey brick, the performing arts building is partly made of glass panels in which people can look inside of the different classrooms to see the dancers and some of the musical performers. It's never shocking when someone just stops and stares in the middle of the walk away because Seungmin does the same. In fact, Seungmin does it then.

His gaze runs over the building windows, looking for a familiar mop of chestnut hair but find nothing. It's something he knows but can't help but to look for.

Changbin pushes him forward, mumbling something to his back. Seungmin smiles.

"I can't understand you hyung," he says and feels Changbin lean away.

"Jinnie's not here, Minnie. Keep walking."

Seungmin takes his eyes off the windows and continues to waddle on.

Going into the building gets smiles and silly faces from different students instead of the funny looks and glares they had gotten when they penguin walked out of the music building. A part of him is happy the dancers are more welcoming of two men shuffling out the door and wonders if there will ever be a time when the music students stopped caring about what they see in others.

Unlike when he was looking for Changbin, Seungmin knows where Hyunjin is going to be. They make their way up three flights of stairs in which somewhere along the way, Changbin decided maybe hugging Seungmin from behind wasn’t a good thing if they couldn't walk properly. Changbin groans loudly when he detaches himself from Seungmin's back causing the said owner of the back to chuckle. He ends Changbin's frustrated noises when he grabs his hand and intertwines their fingers. Changbin turns bright pink.

When they reach the fifth floor, the hallway is dark, hiding various pictures of the many different idols who have made their way to this hall. For that reason, only the top dancers are allowed on the fifth floor, companies worried that their idol's practicing habits would come to light. Hyunjin had been awarded the privilege to dance with some of the top dancers a couple semesters ago, but that would mean, he would hide in studio 57.

Studio 57's lights are the only thing shining in the dark hallway, loud bass makes its way to Seungmin's feet. The door is wide enough to where the lovers can hear Ozuna singing in Spanish. They both have listened to the song enough which has both of them humming along to the song.

Hyunjin stands in the middle of the room as if he's catching his breath. His hands are on his lips, and through the mirror, Seungmin can see his eyes are closed. Five seconds pass (Seungmin is counting) before Hyunjin's eyes snap open, and he's moving the song. He slides across the floor before spinning around.

It's brief, but both Seungmin and Changbin see a flash of pain in Hyunjin's eyes when he's done turning. It's enough for Seungmin to snatch the black bag from Changbin's hand and walk inside the room while Changbin goes to turn off the music.

Hyunjin yelps when Seungmin touches his shoulder, whirling around quickly, another flash of pain flying across his features. His eyes are wide before his legs feel like jelly and he falls. But Seungmin is ready for the fall, reaching out and grabbing Hyunjin's arm to try and steady him. Hyunjin falls anyways just as the music cuts out.

"Jinnie?" Seungmin says patting his lover's face a couple of times. He sits next to the fallen dancer, putting the elder's head against his chest, where he can feel the other breathing sluggishly.

Changbin runs across the studio. "Hyunjin?"

"I'm okay," Hyunjin says failing to push himself off Seungmin's chest. "Promise."

"This doesn't seem to okay," Seungmin says, gently running his fingers through sweat-soaked hair. "You know if you injure yourself, you can't dance for even longer."

"I know."

Seungmin clicks his tongue and reaches into the black bag, bringing out an instant ice pack.

When he was buying things, he kept telling himself he wasn't going to need the ice pack because Hyunjin would be smart enough not to dance while injured. He said to himself that each time he passed by it. Finally, he left the store and went out only to turn himself around and buy the pack.

He places the pack against Hyunjin’s ankle, taking in the sharp sound of pain from the other. He glances worriedly at the dark eyes watching him.

“How long have you been practicing without stopping?” Changbin asks sinking to the ground. His arms are crossed over his chest like he’s mad, but they know he’s just as worried as Seungmin is.

“I don’t know,” Hyunjin answers honestly, finally relaxing and leaning into Seungmin's chest. “The last time I checked it was a quarter to one.”

Seungmin grimaces as he continues to hold onto the pack. “That’s almost six hours Jinnie.”

“I know, but it’s not perfect,” he says. “It needs to be perfect.”

The look in Hyunjin’s eyes is one Seungmin hates to see in anyone. It’s the look of being lost and continually trying to prove themselves. While he’s very much aware of what Hyunjin thinks of his teachers, he wonders if his teachers know how much extra practice the other puts in. He wonders if the teachers know how much Hyunjin wants their praises and how much he wants to share his passion with everyone else. But most of all, he wonders if the teachers have tried to stop him from going too hard. In most cases, he would think so, but this is the idol hall, where the best of the best come to practice.

“Oh, Jinnie,” Seungmin says quietly, shaking away the sadness clawing at his heart. “I’m sure it’ll come out just like you it after you rest.”

Hyunjin shakes his head and sighs. “I can’t rest.”

“Jin, you have to,” Changbin pleads uncurling his arms from his chest. “You have to let your body rest so that you can continue on.”

Again, Hyunjin shakes his head as he reaches for the ice pack against his leg. For a couple of moments, Seungmin stares at his slightly older lover, wondering if he was going to be fighting him to get the ice pack off. In what looks like a weak attempt to do just that, Hyunjin’s hand falls against Seungmin’s almost like the touch was enough to let his body relax once more. Changbin looks at Seungmin who nods. Then he takes Hyunjin into his arms much like he had Seungmin not a few minutes ago, pressing a soft kiss against his head.

The tallest of the three let out a quiet noise of discomfort at the position they're in. They shift until Hyunjin's back is against Changbin's chest with his feet in front of him where Seungmin can press the ice pack to his swollen ankle.

"Do you want to tell us how you're ankle became twice it's size?" Changbin asks and Hyunjin grimaces.

"Landed wrong," he slurs with his eyes closed.

Seungmin sighs at the answer, happy with his mind that he right about needing the pack but sad at the fact he actually had to use it. His body turns ridged at the thought of him not buying the ice pack. It would mean Hyunjin would still be in a lot of pain, but it would also mean Seungmin would have been a lousy boyfriend when he didn't listen to his instincts. It would mean Hyunjin would leave because he wasn't considerate to his boyfriend when he should have been. It would mean-

No.

Seungmin squeezes his eyes shut and counts to five. He needs to focus.

“See,” Seungmin says opening his eyes. “You need to rest. Your body is telling you this.”

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything when he opens his eyes. Instead, he stares at Seungmin with a soft smile on his face. Seungmin can’t help but smile back as he sees the tiny mole under Hyunjin’s right eye hide under the small crease of skin.

For a moment, he sees himself tangled in Hyunjin and Felix’s arms, the three of them counting all the beauty marks against each other's skin. He remembers that day when Hyunjin made it his personal mission to count Felix’s freckles and kiss the small Australian many times. He reminds himself of the soft puffs of laughter against his skin each time Felix smiled, but he really remembers staring at Hyunjin’s lone mole, loving the way it completed Hyunjin.

It’s Hyunjin’s soft laugh mixed with Changbin’s loud one that brings Seungmin back to the present where his hand is still holding the cooling ice pack against Hyunjin’s ankle. He smiles at the others before dropping the bag. He leans over Hyunjin's legs, the voices stopping, and presses a soft kiss against Hyunjin’s lips. Changbin hums above them, but he pays no mind and focuses on pushing wishes into the soft pillows against his own.

He presses the wishes of rest and relaxation, the same as the wishes he pushed into Changbin’s head. He follows with the hopes of no significant injuries knowing that Hyunjin would continuously blame himself if they happened. His next wish against Hyunjin’s lips is for the older will do well in his future evaluation and that he passes it with flying colors.

His final wish is that Hyunjin knows Seungmin wouldn’t mind waiting for the older in the courtyard when they’re supposed to be eating. That he wouldn’t mind staying late if it meant that Hyunjin would come home and rest. That he wouldn’t mind holding ice packs to tired limbs while Hyunjin rants about how much he hates his teachers from time to time. But most of all, he wishes that Hyunjin would know how much he wouldn’t mind doing just to see him smile.

He wouldn’t mind it at all.

Seungmin pulls away with a bright smile on his lips and a soft one on Hyunjin’s. The elder’s eyes are still closed which tells Seungmin that he’s about to fall asleep where he sits.

He looks to Changbin who smiles and nods while Seungmin goes back into his bag, taking the final thing out, a Hershey's bar. Opening the packaging, he breaks a piece off, shoving it into Hyunjin’s mouth, laughing at the way he nearly swallows it and opens his mouth for more.

Hyunjin nearly finishes the chocolate when he opens his eyes and smiles tiredly at Seungmin. There’s a sigh on lips when he pulls himself away from Changbin’s chest. “Let’s go home?” he asks, and Seungmin cannot agree more.

“Hyung will cuddle you, after you shower, Jinnie,” Changbin says pulling Hyunjin up. “Seungmin promised me cuddles, but he’s a man on a mission it seems, so we’ll have to wait for Seungmin to finish before we can cuddle him.”

Hyunjin whines at that which becomes louder when he puts weight on his injured ankle. “But Seungmin cuddles.”

“When I’m done, Jinnie. I promise," Seungmin laughs.

Hyunjin pouts, pushing his lower lip out more which makes Changbin groan and press his lips against Hyunjin’s pouting ones.

“When he’s done, Jinnie,” he says.

“Fine,” Hyunjin pouts again which makes Changbin press another kiss to his lips.

“Let’s go home.”

Hyunjin smiles. “Home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (:


	4. say you won't let go, love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Seun- BUBBLES!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please go back a chapter as this is a double update for not updating last week! Thanks!!!

[love.: kendrick lamar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4wX7q4tn0g)

[say you won't let go: james arthur](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yBSrShgC9o)

"Thank you for coming," the florist says with a small bow. "I hope he enjoys the flowers."

Seungmin bows back smiling to the clerk as he holds the large bouquet of flowers in his hand. He exits the flower shop with two black bags, a giant stuffed animal, and a bouquet of flowers to which he wonders how he's going to make it home. He had sent Changbin and Hyunjin ahead seeing as both older boys were falling asleep standing, something he thought was possible for Chan and only Chan. Hyunjin's eyes almost popped out, and Changbin let out a loud whine of 'I'm not falling asleep Seungminnie. I dunno what you're talking about' when he told them, but their slow movements told him otherwise.

Apart of him believes he should have gone with them, but he still needed to finish his last gift. Hyunjin decided because Seungmin worries too much that he was going to have each other on a video call, proving to the youngest that they made it home without stopping and sleeping in an alleyway. It ended only a few minutes ago when Hyunjin announced loudly that he and Changbin were back.

Of course, they offered to take something off Seungmin's hands, but he just laughed and said that they were surprises to which the others couldn't know about just yet.

But since the call was over, he has half a mind to call them back and ask if they could talk to him while he is by himself. It wasn't a long way, his route taking him past an elementary school, a couple of parks, and a supermarket. It's the quiet panic in the back of his mind that has him wanting a solid body standing next to him and holding his hand.

Seungmin takes a deep breath and begins his trek back to his home.

The high noon sun beats mercilessly against his head, making him sweat a little. He's thankful it's not summer but summer turning into winter which brings cooler weather.

He hugs the stuffed animal a little tighter to his chest for warmth and comfort as the quiet panic begins to grow, but once again he pushes it away, knowing that this isn't the proper way to deal with an upcoming panic attack. But maybe if he can divert his attention elsewhere, he can do what needs to be done.

He shifts his mindset to the flowers in his hand and thinks of how angry Woojin was earlier in the day. The more he thinks about it, however, he finds himself being angry in place of his lover. Woojin shouldn’t have to listen to ugly words from people who are supposed to love him.

He looks at the flowers and hopes they bring a smile to Woojin’s face. He had spent a few minutes talking to the florist trying to find the prettiest, and the loveliest flowers he hoped shows how much the oldest means to him.

10 azaleas for love.

3 dark red carnations for sincere love.

A bunch of baby’s breath for long-lasting love.

Seungmin smiles to himself, as he turns a corner. His gaze shifts up so he won't run into anyone, but he stops himself when he sees familiar fox-like eyes and a braced smile. Jeongin stands in a sweatshirt which looks suspiciously like Minho's missing one. His smile slips into what Seungmin believes is an upset pout that has a loud coo passing his lips.

“Really?” Jeongin says with a roll of his eyes. “You’re cooing?”

“What?” Seungmin says as he lengthens his stride to reach Jeongin. When he does, the younger grabs both of the bags. “You can’t look angry.”

Dark feline eyes narrow. “I’m sure I look plenty mad.”

“As mad as a baby fox can get.”

Jeongin snorts and Seungmin finds himself feeling fond. He sees the same emotion he felt when he brought the Munchlax eyemask to Changbin and the ice pack for Hyunjin creeping up on him like ants marching a hill, and he loves it.

He looks to Jeongin's hands where the younger carries the bags when the thought maybe he could give Jeongin his present now. They were alone, and it seems to be the most opportune moment.

Seungmin remembers there is a bench coming up. While it was a little too public for his liking, maybe he could give Jeongin his things there? But that thought leaves when he remembers Jeongin hates any form of PDA in public, scared something would happen to either one of them. So Seungmin continues to think.

There has to be a place that’s private enough for a few moments where Seungmin can hand the things over.

His eyes catch one of the playgrounds, empty and void of children. A smile spreads across his face as he reaches out and latches onto Jeongin's wrist. The younger lets out a loud yelp as he gets dragged by an excited Seungmin.

The playground is a basic one with a metal jungle gym, a merry-go-round, many trees, and a swing set hidden behind a group of trees.

Seungmin drags Jeongin to the swing set, where three swings sit idly, waiting for riders to take them into the skies. Setting the stuffed animal down, Seungmin lets go of Jeongin's arm and snatches the bags from his grip. He looks at Jeongin for a moment, chuckling at the baffled look on the other's face.

"The fuck hyung?" Jeongin asks.

"Language!" Seungmin cheers when he finds what he's looking for.

"Again what the fu-"

"Language!"

Jeongin rolls his eyes as he sits on one of the swings. "Fine, what the fudge hyung?"

Seungmin smiles and Jeongin begins to kick his legs.

For a few moments, Seungmin just watches as Jeongin flies higher and higher. There's a soft smile on his face as he continues to move his legs back and forth and when Jeongin's at a certain height, Seungmin pulls out a small blue bottle.

The color takes Jeongin's attention away from the sky, and a wider smile stretches across his face.

He recalls going to the other’s house to drag him to school, but instead of a boy huddled in bed sheets, he was outside blowing bubbles. He would watch as various sized bubbles would come out of the wand, but he would never get up to pop them. He'd leave them to pop on their own until Seungmin came along and popped them with dry fingers. Jeongin would smile and laugh until his stomach would hurt or his mother came outside scolding them for being late.

Jeongin was seventeen when he finally told Seungmin about the nightmares and the bubbles. It landed a cuddling session and a stock of the bottled soapy delight in backpacks and rooms in which the younger cried and cuddled Seungmin until they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Seungmin opens the bottle as a loud laugh echo across the trees. By this time, Jeongin is flying high in the sky, his smile bright and his eyes crinkled into crescent moons.

The sight is enough for Seungmin to place the bubble wand near his lips and blow. Iridescent bubbles fill the air quickly, tiny rainbows reflecting on the thin film.

It becomes one of Seungmin's favorite sights of Jeongin; the younger with his mouth open in a laugh with crinkling eyes. His dark hair is in a fluff on his forehead while he reaches out to pop the bubbles getting too close.

His eyes connect with Seungmin's, and it takes a loud shout from Jeongin for Seungmin to know what was coming next.

“Hyung!” Jeongin shouts happily before jumping off when he’s near the ground. He nearly gives Seungmin a heart attack, but before he can say anything, he has an arm full of Jeongin and spilled soap all over his hands. He doesn't mind, however, as soft lips press against his.

Jeongin is shaking a little, and Seungmin isn’t sure what it’s from. It’s worrying for a few seconds until it stops.

“How do you always know?” Jeongin whispers. “How do you always know that I need bubbles?”

“I just do, Innie.”

Jeongin rolls his eyes and presses another kiss against Seungmin’s lips.

Maybe it’s becoming a tradition for Seungmin, but he finds himself pressing little pecks against his lover’s lips with wishes of hope and love. He wishes for Jeongin not to have terrible nightmares of monsters and unreal things. He presses the hopes that the younger will come to any of them if he's having a hard time but most of all, he wishes for Jeongin to never let go of the love they have and to keep it until they’re grey and old.

He finds himself rocking on his feet a quiet Jeongin in his arms, almost like they’re dancing to a song only they can hear. He whines when the brunette pulls away, his braced smile taking all of Seungmin’s vision.

“You have things to finish and cuddles to give to Hyunjin and Changbin,” he says. “We should get you home.”

Seungmin takes in the information and pouts. “Did they spoil it?”

The smile on Jeongin’s face turns fond. “No, but I’m sure everyone else is waiting for your return. You've been gone most of the morning without your backpack. Prepare yourself for an angry Wooj hyung since you did just run off.”

Seungmin continues to pout only for it to be kissed away by a laughing Jeongin with a soft blush on his cheeks. The older takes the image of a blushing Jeongin and puts it next to the flying one, feeling warm at both recent events.

It's Jeongin's turn to wrap his fingers in between Seungmin's while picking up the discarded black bag and the giant stuffed animal. It's a little surprising as Jeongin swings their hands, but Seungmin doesn't question it and lets the younger pull him home.

A silly smile plants itself on Seungmin's face when he hears Jeongin humming quietly under his breath. It's not the first time, and it won't be the last that he's surprised at what bubbles can do for his youngest lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you skipped my note at the beginning, please go back a chapter as this is a double update. if not, please continue on.
> 
> i'm sorry for not updating last week. in the beginning of the year, like january 2nd, i had a death in the family and last tuesday was the funeral. i tried to update but it just wasn't happening.
> 
> but happy things! this is supposed to be a happy fic, which is very odd for me. i live and breath angst.
> 
> i hope y'all enjoyed this chapter, please leave a comment if so. it makes me very happy that people are reading this. like thank you for reading my shitty writing???? i try to make it decent???
> 
> see y'all next tuesday! (:


	5. kiss from a rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Seungmin gains a koala.

[kiss from a rose: seal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7y19ED6Vrk)

Their massive home comes into view when Seungmin and Jeongin turn the corner. It almost looks like one of those storybook homes with white cedar siding and brown trimmings. Seungmin doesn't know why there is such a house where they live, but he supposes everyone like fairytales enough for people to try and mimic the homes.

There's a walkway leading to the front door which is enclosed by two trees whose branches intertwined with each other over the years. While it's nice not to have the sun beating down on their back as soon as they come out of the house, it's a pain to pick up the leaves when winter comes.

Jeongin swings their hands when they reach the walkway before letting go and rushing towards the door. He turns around and sticks his tongue at Seungmin before walking inside and announcing their arrival. Seungmin can't help but find the sight of a playful Jeongin with a giant stuffed animal and a bouquet of flowers endearing.

If anything, the redhead is expecting no one to say anything or even see anyone as everyone was caught up in their own worlds when he left. So when he takes a step into the house, he suddenly has an arm full of a shaking Felix, and he's surprised. The bags in his hands drop when he stares at his lover in his arms before he wraps his them around Felix.

"Lix?" he questions just as a louder call of his name comes from the kitchen.

The sound of footsteps has Seungmin looking up to see a worried and slightly frustrated Woojin. The elder sees Felix in Seungmin's arms and runs a hand through his brown locks. Troubled dark eyes meet confused ones before Woojin turns on his heel and stomps away, each stomp he takes causes Felix to shrink into Seungmin.

Jeongin walks into the foyer, shrugging his shoulders when he sees Seungmin eyeing Felix.

"I'll take the bags, hyung," he says taking them off the ground. "I left the dog on top of the counter."

"Thanks," Seungmin says.

"I'll put your bags in your room, and I'll try not to make too much noise if the others are sleeping. I highly doubt it though."

Jeongin leaves and Seungmin turns his attention onto Felix. Gently, he runs his fingers through the other's orange locks. They stay standing there for a few minutes until the slightly older male grips onto Seungmin's shirt. It's a silent question Seungmin knows too well and grants it when he lowers his arms from Felix's head to his butt. Felix jumps and wraps his legs around Seungmin's waist and buries his head into Seungmin's neck, taking a deep breath and exhaling a couple of moments later.

Carefully, Seungmin makes his way into the house stopping by the kitchen and somehow managing to take the ear of the stuffed animal in his hands. He knows the stairs are going to be a challenge as he cautiously takes the steps up. He wobbles a couple of times, making sure to tightly hold onto the clinging person wrapped around him. There's a time when he believes he's going to fall, but Felix feels it enough to stretch out his arms and hold Seungmin into place. Seungmin doesn't have time to wonder how strong Felix's stomach and instead looks at the red surrounding Felix's eyes.

“Lix? What happened?” Seungmin asks as the said male envelops Seungmin's neck in his arms again.

“I don’t know,” he mumbles against the fleshy part of Seungmin's neck. “They’re so loud.”

Continuing the careful trek up the stairs, Seungmin begins his process of pressing kisses into the other's shoulder. He starts with the wish that he could change the voices in the Australian's head. To change what they say about Felix and what they say about the others. But before he can press another wish onto Felix's head, he's at his koala's door.

Dropping the stuffed animal in the hallway, he opens the door and places the other on the bed, securing him into a pile of blankets. When he's satisfied with how warm Felix looks, Seungmin nods to himself as he hears a quiet giggle coming from under the sheets.

He lets his gaze move around the room, taking in Jeongin's bed on the other side, a large wooden dresser where he knows Jeongin has way too many clothes, matching side tables where Jeongin and Felix demanded to have the same, and a stargazer light in the far corner. There's a couple of outfits on the floor, but the room seems to be a lot cleaner than the mess he calls his bedroom.

Taking only a couple of steps out of the room, he retrieves the stuffed animal from outside, ignoring the loud whine coming from his room across the hall. He doesn't have to be in the same room as Changbin and Hyunjin to know what the older boys are doing nor does he have to be there to see the pout forming on Hyunjin's face.

Chuckling, Seungmin turns his attention back on the stuffed animal, placing it next to the Felix pile he made, smiling.

"Are you going to lay with me?" Felix asks, his voice small and muffled by the plethora of blankets over his face.

"But you're a burrito," Seungmin says. "I don't want to ruin it."

"Minnie!" Felix whines.

Seungmin breaks burrito Felix, transforming him into pancake Felix.

The elder grabs Seungmin and koalas him again, their face centimeters apart.

Seungmin can feel Felix's breath fanning across his face. He can count the number of freckles that span across Felix's nose and see the chocolate galaxies that are Felix's eyes.

He thinks of the stories the two of them make up when Felix needs some inspiration for his art projects. Tales made of water and fire, where they proclaim their love under the stars and twin moons, where they hold hands and soft kisses that speak nothing but of promises of forever.

Everyone knows of these moments, and everyone keeps their distance when the two create different worlds. There are moments, however, when no one cares and joins their fun to which those instances become the time where the nine of them create vast lands of dragons and separate events of them meeting in these fantasy lands.

It’s the thought of devising another world which has Seungmin pushing a kiss against Felix's lips and trying to pry the other away from him. The pout on Felix's face is deadly when he finally releases Seungmin from his death grip. His pout erases itself when he sees the giant stuffed dog, it's beady eyes staring at Felix. There's no hesitation when his arms shoot out for the stuffed animal. Seungmin gives it to him happily.

Seungmin knows that creating a world with Felix isn't going to take the thoughts away, but maybe it'll give him a few minutes away from the pain of his head. Sitting up and pulling Felix into his arms, he leans back with the other's head on his chest.

“Lix?” Seungmin asks carding his fingers through soft hair. “Do you want to make a story?”

Felix inhales against Seungmin’s chest and exhales. It’s a couple of seconds before he’s nodding and hugging the stuffed dog tighter.

"Please," is all Felix has to say.

"The remote?"

"Table."

Seungmin tries not to knock Felix's skull with his knuckles as he reaches Felix's side table. Blindly, he searches for a thin remote which would turn off the bedroom light and turn on the stargazer he had bought for moments like this. He finds it and presses the button, the once bright room engulfed in a sea of darkness. Seconds tick by when stars form on the ceiling, each white light sparkling like the light Felix's eyes used to shine in.

That's a thought he doesn't need at this moment.

He continues to card his fingers through orange locks and pictures Felix hunched over the kitchen table with everyone around him but, he’s not paying attention. Instead, he’s pouring his heart and head into the paper in front of him. Lines form the same creatures Seungmin had described a few nights prior before they’re colored and put on Felix’s art wall.

“Where are we going today?” Felix asks after a couple of moments of silence.

“How about a planet with an infinite night sky?” Seungmin says. “Where people go to with their loved ones so they can see true stars.”

Seungmin doesn't have to look down to see Felix’s eyes sparkling the more he begins to make up a world of night skies and stars.

"And the creatures who live there?" Felix questions.

"They'll have skin colors of blacks, purples, and pinks," Seungmin answers, "with eyes as bright as the stars in their sky. These people will be kind and spread the thought of wishes and the hopes of dreams to the people who come to their world." He pauses. "Maybe they'll fight off the negative emotions that come onto their land. This is a land of hopes and dreams. There's no time for negativity."

Felix hums. "A world like that sounds beautiful."

And it does.

It sounds like a dream to Seungmin's ears. A place where he knows would toss away the horrible emotions his lovers feel. A place where all problems would be gone with a snap of a finger and a couple of wishes. But a planet like that cannot exist. It's too perfect, and humans are far from perfect.

But just because a place like the one he's made for Felix doesn't exist, doesn't mean he can't continue to press soft kisses of hope into his lover's head.

Continuing from where he left off in the hallway, Seungmin begins his hopes and dreams for the other again. He presses a kiss filled with warmth away from the cold voices in his head. Another kiss. He wishes he could be like the aliens he created who fight all form of negative emotion, only leaving the happy ones. Another kiss. He hopes for Felix to know how much he loves him.

Felix laughs softly when Seungmin presses his last kiss on his head and looks up, his eyes holding a tiny sparkle in them.

He puckers his lips for a kiss to which Seungmin presses a quiet kiss against. He smiles against Felix’s lips while knowing his wishes may be tiny, but Felix knows of them.  
The door opens, and light shines through the crack. Jeongin peeks his head in and smiles brightly at his hyungs. He slips in holding Woojin’s flowers and holds them out.

“I want cuddles too, Lix hyung,” Jeongin says.

Felix says nothing while he pushes the stuffed dog away from his body, opening his arms for the youngest to crawl into. He holds out the flower as Felix rolls away, taking a giggling Jeongin and the stuffed animal.

He looks at the flowers and takes a whiff of the beautiful flora. The look of hurt and disbelief crossing his features when he walked into the foyer, finding Felix in Seungmin's arms.

Seungmin gets up and presses kisses to each of their heads before leaving the room and looking for his eldest lover. He closes Felix’s door with Jeongin’s question of what he named his new stuffed animal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> annnd this chapter has me cooing up a storm. like i don't understand how i wrote this. have i told y'all writing fluff isn't my thing???? i'm probably doing a shitty job of it as normal, so thank you for reading????
> 
> MOVING ON!
> 
> i'm changing my update schedule for this story because i'm almost done writing it. i believe one chapter a week is a bit ridiculous since these chapters are a bit tiny. therefore(!!!), until this fic is done (which it almost is considering this is what chapter five and there's ten chapters ((we're half way there, ya'll!))), i'll be updating this eight letters twice a week starting this week. tuesday will still be the update day and the new day may be saturday? i am unsure of this at this moment so just be on the lookout for the next update soon.
> 
> with that being said, please leave a comment and/or a kudo if you wish and i'll see y'all in a couple of days~ also come a watch me moan and groan over eight letters and the other skz stories i'm writing/planning on [twitter](https://twitter.com/iseemikimouse). bye y'all!!! 


	6. symmetry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Seungmin wants to punch Woojin's parents... again.

[symmetry ft. emily warren: jt roach ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=298HSZ1T8ck)

Seungmin stands outside of Woojin's door and breathes through his nose. He's slightly worried if the eldest would like his flowers.

His quiet panic simmers at the top of his emotions, swirling and waiting for the right time to come out. It's beginning to seep through his veins, and those nasty voices are starting to speak. He can hear a voice more prominent than others before he shoves it away and knocks on the door.

Woojin doesn't answer which Seungmin takes to come in, hiding the bouquet of flowers behind his back.

He finds Woojin hidden under his covers, blonde tufts of hair sticking out. Seungmin pulls the blanket down and is met with an angry pout and frustrated dark eyes.

Usually, he would put the blanket back and then flop onto the elder's stomach, waiting to be pushed off. This time, though, he sits at the edge of the bed, his back towards the rest of the room. There's a little surprise in the other's eyes before he's reaching for the blanket. Seungmin holds it down.

"No hyung," he says causing Woojin's pout to intensify. Seungmin giggles.

Woojin reaches again for the blanket and Seungmin slaps his hand away.

This continues on for a couple more minutes before Woojin groans and grabs the younger on top of him. Startled by this, Seungmin smacks Woojin's face with his flowers as he falls into the elder's embrace.

"Hyung," Seungmin whines, removing the flowers from the other's face. "You're going to mess up your flowers!"

Dark eyes follow the flowers as Seungmin places them on the bed as he tries to sit up. Woojin's eyes snap quickly to his, and suddenly Seungmin can see what's about to happen.

He begins to scramble up when Woojin's arms cage him in with nimble fingers pressing into his sides. Seungmin screeches and finally flings himself away from the other, watching as his eyes crinkle in the corner. The small look of anger is still there, but there's something else hidden in Woojin's eyes which Seungmin can't identify.

Woojin laughs and picks up the flowers, his fingers trailing across the petals.

"They're beautiful," he says.

"It was hard, hyung," Seungmin says taking careful steps towards the elder. He doesn't want to be subjected to his hyung's tickle torture again. "The lady told me that thee are flowers that mean love. I think she's right."

Taking the flowers from Seungmin's hands, Woojin smiles. "She's right. These flowers are screaming, I love you."

"Is that a bad thing?"

The older shakes his head. "It's not."

Seungmin takes a closer look at the other and sees the receding sadness in his eyes, but it's the only thing he sees that says he feels better. Everything else screams there's something wrong, the clenched jaw, the tensed posture, and the fact he's wearing one of Chan's hoodies and a pair of sweatpants which look like the ones Seungmin has been missing for a while. The Woojin standing in front of him is not the calm and collected one. Instead, it's the one that likes to hide and cry under the covers while wrapped in the warmth of his lovers.

"Hyung, do you want to talk?" Seungmin asks as he stops a couple of steps from the older.

The smile on Woojin's face drops as he holds his flowers tighter and in five seconds, he looks like he's about to fall onto the floor and cry. Seungmin closes the gap between the two of them and wraps his arms around Woojin's shoulders. The elder doesn't hug back but places his head against Seungmin's shoulders.

"Candles," is all Woojin has to say for Seungmin to pull away. He'd figure it that it would come to the candles.

Much like Jeongin with his bubbles, the thing that helps keep Woojin calm are candles. He likes to watch the flickering flames that have his silent problems at the tips. He watches them burn until there's nothing left.

Woojin's eyes are pleading with Seungmin as if the younger is going to deny him one of the things that makes him happy.  
"Do you know where the box is?" Seungmin asks.

Woojin's eyes light up. "Your room."

Looking out into Woojin's room, Seungmin nods. Chan and Woojin's beds are pushed together making a much larger bed than their room can handle. Small slivers of space are on each side, leaving enough room for small side tables. By their closet is a space where Seungmin and Woojin could sit down and stare at the flickering flames. He smiles.

"Just clear that area," Seungmin says pointing to the correct area. "And I'll get the candles."

His hyung nods and presses a soft kiss against Seungmin's lips. He finds himself unwinding from the kiss and wanting to fall into the other's arms, finally breaking from the fear in his chest but as Woojin's lips leave him, he pushes it away.

He leaves Woojin's door open when he steps out into the hallway. He makes the turn towards his room when he notices Jisung's door open and the sound of crying giggles reaching his ears. The first thing he sees when he walks past the bedroom is a plethora of blankets in all forms and colors. The once blue room is now covered in too many hues to look sane, but if that's what it takes to make Jisung smile, then he's allowed to have too many blankets in his room.

Seungmin opens his door to see two sleeping lumps on his bed and an attempt to bring Changbin's and Minho's bed closer. Somewhere along the way, however, it looks like someone gave up as Changbin's bed is now at a strange angle and Minho's is pushed too far.

He closes his mouth before a soft giggle can escape.

Hyunjin is practically wrapped against Changbin's torso, while the other is pressing his face deeper into Hyunjin's neck. Every so often, the taller inhales and makes a face as little pieces of Changbin's hair tickles his lips. There's no space in between the two of them, but he's sure with how things are looking there will be something by the time he comes. Quietly he makes his way to his closet, grinning when spots the words, 'Woojin's Candles' in black sharpie on the top of a white box. He pulls it out without much thought a quietly makes his way to back to Woojin's room.

When he makes his way back into Woojin and Chan's room, the eldest is standing by the dresser, his eyes fixated on a tall red vase. Seungmin's love bouquet has already made their home and look beautiful against the pale coloring of the room. Woojin looks at Seungmin and the box in his hands.

"I have the stool and the blankets," he says pointing to the corner of the room where a bright yellow stool and a couple of blankets laid.

Seungmin doesn't say anything as he places the box next to the tiny table. He kneels and opens, the box, taking out the first candle. Silence falls over the two of them for a couple of seconds before Woojin begins talking.

"They hated it," he says when Seungmin places a bright pink candle down. The elder's voice comes from somewhere behind him followed by the sound of a lighter. "They've always hated it."

And Seungmin knows this. He knows how much Woojin's parent hated that Woojin didn't choose a profession with a humongous amount of income as they have. They hated that Woojin was as gay as they come and in a polyamorous relationship with eight different men. He knew his parents liked to call and tell him of their discomfort, claiming they have a beautiful girl waiting for him.

Seungmin knows all of this, and he hates it as much as Woojin's parents dislike the eight of them.

If Seungmin closes his eyes, he can picture the day Woojin decided he wanted to be happy and to follow his heart, not listening to the devil parents on his shoulder.

Seungmin places more candles on the table. "What did she say?" he asks.

"The same things," Woojin sighs handing Seungmin the lighter. "How everything is wrong. How I'm wrong."

Seungmin hums and pushes the box away, the mini table filled five candles. He takes the lighter from Woojin's hand and begins to light the candles. He's hit the sudden scent of various flowers and calming smells.

"But what changed?" Seungmin asks when he turns off the lights and places it down. He doesn't move from his spot and watches as the flames begin to dance.

Woojin pauses as sits down behind Seungmin. The elder pulls Seungmin into his arms, dragging their bodies to lean against the frame of the bed. From the white knuckles and the tight hold around Seungmin's waist, the younger knows there's more to the story. "Something else happened. Something she said pissed you off."

Woojin sighs and begins to play with Seungmin's hair while the latter quietly rests in the older's arms, somewhat content.

"She talked about you guys," he says after a moment. "She told me that all of you were disgusting and you should rot." He spat out his words like they were diseases, something foul in his mouth.

Seungmin closes his eyes, used to the slurs people used to call him. For the longest time, he used to believe them. He used to listen to the evil words which sunk into his skin, making him think he was the scum of the earth.

"And is she right?" he asked.

"No!" Woojin shouted the moment those words left Seungmin's mouth. "You're nothing of the sort, and she has no right calling any of you that. She's the vile one!"

"And if she's the one saying horrible things and you know this, then why are you still listening to her?" Seungmin pulls himself out of Woojin's embrace and turns around to face him. "You want to love eight people at the same time, then damnit Woojin hyung, you're going to love eight people at the same time. If you want to study plants and the medical effects of them, then you're going to study that! You're going to be the person you want to be! I've told you this, Channie hyung has told you this." Seungmin points to the flowers on the dresser. "What do those flowers mean, hyung?"

Woojin stares at Seungmin with wide eyes to which Seungmin understands why. He's not one to raise his voice in anger or frustration. He's the one who calmly tries to understand the situation around him, but something inside of his snapped when he saw how much the bitch's words have affected him (in Seungmin's eyes, she doesn't deserve to be called Woojin's mother).

"Hyung," Seungmin says again, "what do they mean?"

Woojin clears his throat and looks at them. "Azaleas for love. Deep red carnations for more love and baby's breath for long-lasting loving."

"And what does that tell you?"

Woojin stays silent, and his hold on Seungmin's torso loosens. Seungmin can finally see the gears in his lover's head turn.

  
"What do they mean hyung?"

Woojin leans forward and presses a gentle kiss to Seungmin's lips causing the younger male to giggle.

"Hyung," Seungmin whines. and Woojin presses another kiss. "What does it mean?"

"I love you," Woojin says finally and presses another kiss to Seungmin's lips. "They mean I love you and I love you Kim Seungmin."

"And is going to cause a rift between us? Between all of us?" Woojin shakes his head. "We've all spent too long trying to get you out of that house. I'm not going to let you go back nor am I ever going to stop loving you. Never forget that hyung. Never forget that I love you as does everyone else. You mean the world to us and people who have no say in that matter who don't know us, they don't matter to the rest of us. You do. Kim Woojin means the world to me, to Chan, to Hyungjin and to everyone else."

Woojin searches Seungmin's eyes for any signs of a lie, but Seungmin prays the only thing the oldest can find is love.

It's Seungmin's turn to press hopes against Woojin's lips. He wishes for a peaceful mind for Woojin. He wishes for Woojin not to listen to the nasty voice of his mother telling him things that he shouldn't hear. He wishes for Woojin not to get angry in their place. They've all had their face share of ugliness, and it's not something they need to keep having in their lives. Seungmin presses the hope of better days with Woojin, days where they can laugh and stare at the flicking candlelight buy plotting against the others. But most of all, Seungmin presses the hope that Woojin will never forget the love they share. They're not like oil and water after all.

Woojin wraps his arms around Seungmin again and pulls him into his chest. They stay in their position for a little bit longer with Woojin drawing lazy circles in Seungmin's back. There's a silly smile on his face as he closes his eyes. He stops himself from falling asleep, but he's failing. He closes them for a second when the door opens, and a loud cooing noise comes from the outside.

Felix stands with a koala named Jeongin who only smiles.

"Hyungs!" he laughs. "Felixie hyung is building worlds again, and this time they're brighter than before. Something about a world of stars and secret wishes!"

Felix looks at Seungmin with a bashful smile.

"Hyung," Felix mumbles, his voice deep. "I'm-"

Woojin shakes his head and lets go of Seungmin in favor of standing up and wrapping his arms around Felix and Jeongin.  
Guilt begins to paw at Seungmin's insides as he forgot to ask what happened in between Felix and Woojin. He should have-

Not now.

"There's nothing," Woojin says pressing a soft kiss against Felix's lips. "You shouldn't apologize."

"But hyun-"

"Shh."

Felix blinks before a smile stretches across his features. Jeongin passes a glance at Seungmin and grins.

Of course.

Yang Jeongin is his little helper, it seems, as he tiptoes out of the room and hears Woojin asking about the creatures of this world he and Seungmin created.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is what happened with this update that was supposed to be a couple of days ago. you see itwasmybirthdayandwitheverythinghappeningaroundmeiforgot. so i'm sorry. with that being said, i have no distractions this week so lets all hope i update again this week. 
> 
> i also did look up the flowers and letmme tell you that yes the language of the flowers is fascinating. okay? also please let me know if there's something outta place. i keep looking and i keep finding but with my last couple of passes, i found nothing but there might be. 
> 
> ANYWAYS, i have nothing unless to say only please leave a comment and kudo if you wish and i shall see you soon~


	7. forever and for always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Seungmin dances with no music.

[forever and for always: shania twain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmG_klef4nQ)

Before Seungmin can actually make it towards the staircase, Jeongin peeks his head out of Woojin's room. "You might want to get the tea," he says with a bright grin on his face. "The bags are in my room, and Chan hyung is downstairs."

Then, Jeongin is gone, and Woojin's door is shut, leaving Seungmin with confusion written on his face. It takes a moment for Jeongin's words to finally hit him and when they do, he turns on his heel and enters Felix's and Jeongin's empty room.

Felix's stargazer is off, but there's a sheet of paper next to Felix's new stuffed animal with rough sketches of the creature he and Felix created.

Familiar black bags catch Seungmin's eyes when he lets them drift over to Jeongin's bed. He shuffles through him, picking the small white and green box. Before he can turn, Seungmin looks at the remaining couple of items, debating whether or not to take them. He chooses Jisung's items but leaves Minho's, excitement filling his veins. He might as well begin cooking for the week older male.

Smiling to himself, he starts his small trek out of the room only pause when he can hear Felix's giggles coming from Woojin's room. Before he can snicker with Felix, there's a loud whine followed by Woojin's voice of "shush Felix. Not everything can be made of wishes".

Seungmin laughs as he walks down the stairs. To him, this is how the house was supposed to be and not the quiet it was earlier that day.

He stops in the middle of the stairs and looks at a broad back and blonde hair that isn't too far from him. Chan's head is tilted to the side as if there's something on his mind. Seungmin takes a couple of steps closer.

"Hyung?" he calls quietly calls out. "Is everything alright?"

Chan whirls around, his dark eyes wide as he takes in Seungmin's quiet laugh. He looks sheepish when he rubs the back of his neck.

"I didn't hear you," Chan says.

"I noticed," Seungmin laughs and continues down the stairs. He reaches the older who is watching him with a fond look in his eyes, a small haze taking over them. Seungmin feels the corner of his lips beginning to tug down. "Are you sure you're alright, Channie hyung?"

The blonde blinks and nods, a sloppy smile on his face. "I'm fine."

Quirking a brow, Seungmin nods, wrapping thin fingers around Chan's wrist. He hums at the loud yelp as he drags the other into the kitchen, gently placing the black bag on top of the counter.

"Do you want to help me?" Seungmin asks when he lets go of Chan's wrist.

A look passes over Chan's features when he blinks a couple of times. He really looks at Seungmin causing the younger to shift in his spot at the intensity of his hyung's gaze. "Hyung?" he calls out again.

"Aren't you supposed to be in school?" Chan asks with that haze in his eyes growing larger.

"I'm needed here more," Seungmin says with a small smile. "Who else is going to tell you to get to bed? You won't listen to Wooj hyung or Lixxie. Besides, I can always get notes from Chenle."

the older hums pulling out a chair and placing his head against the counter. "You shouldn't do that do though. You should be in class and get the notes yourself."

"I know but still. I'm needed here more." Seungmin pauses in his words and walks around the counter. "Are you going to be going to bed anytime soon?"

Chan inhales and exhales. "No. There's this part of a song I can't get right, and I want to be able to finally do so."

Seungmin shifts through the bag on the counter and pulls out the box of tea. He notices Chan's tired eyes following his movements of placing the kettle on the stove and Chan's favorite mug, the one Hyunjin and Jeongin had gotten when they all first started dating a few years ago. The two of them had found a red, white, and blue mug, claiming the colors could either be Korean or Australian. Chan had found the action endearing, he told Seungmin once, a piece of home giving him a part of the home he missed.

"And you think staying up for the past couple of days is going to help with that?"

"It's helped in the past."

"Yeah, well hyung, you can't keep doing it. You'll never sleep."

Chan gives Seungmin a wide-eyed look. "I know what you're doing," he says, and Seungmin crosses his arms over his chest, giving the elder an unimpressed stare.

"I'm sure you do," Seungmin says.

The music producer picks up the box of tea and makes a face. "Valerian?"

"It's the only thing that helps you sleep as you can't take melatonin."

"I know but," Chan trails off when Seungmin raises a brow. He smiles showing his gums and his clears his throat. "Nevermind."

eungmin keeps his brow raised at the elder taking in the fact that he knows Chan doesn't like the taste of valerian tea, but if it's one of the only things that can make Chan sleep, then it'll be something he must drink.

The kettle whistles.

Quietly, Seungmin takes the kettle away from heat and pours water into Chan's mug. He clicks his tongue when he doesn't feel the box near him, and he looks up. Chan holds the box in his hand, his face still in a grimace. Without another word, he grabs a single tea bag and places it into Seungmin's waiting hand. Seungmin plops it into the water and hands the mug to Chan.

He turns around and inspects the kitchen to see the neatly cleaned laminate countertops, a rice cooker next to the coffee maker, and a single pan on top of the stove. In the corner next to the table stands a wire bookshelf filled with cookbooks that are never cracked open, a couple of shelves used to hold lunch boxes and other odd supplies from the time Minho wanted to create fancy bento lunches.

His gaze lands on a single black white with Felix's handwriting on the spine, reading _The Lover's Recipes_. It had been Changbin and Seungmin's idea to compile a list of recipes of everyone's favorite dishes with instructions coming from the internet to calling parents. It had come in handy a couple of times, when someone was sick or when there was a massive date night or times like this.

Seungmin can feel Chan's eyes as he walks across the kitchen to grab the binder. He notices the question at the tip of the older's tongue, choosing to answer his mental question at loud.

"It's for Jisung," he says as he sits down next to Chan, letting the binder plop on the counter. "I want to make him something light to eat."

Chan sips on his tea and looks over the pages.

"He didn't eat this morning," Chan notes. "What makes you think he's going to eat now?"

"It doesn't hurt to try," Seungmin says after a couple of moments of silence.

Next to him, Chan hums as Seungmin continues to look through the pages, finding everything to take too long. He actually flips to the tab with his name on it when an idea forms. It may not be his favorite, but it's something easy enough for him to make quickly.

He closes the binder with a quiet slam and Chan looks up.

"Idea?" he asks, and Seungmin hums standing up. He doesn't make it very far before he's pulled back into a warm chest. Soft lips touch the back of his neck before they're gone. A warm feeling settles into Seungmin's chest.

"Do you have to make it now?" Chan questions, his voice heavier than before and Seungmin can tell when the older is about to fall asleep. He's not there but close enough for an idea to form.

"Well, you never answered my question if you were going to help me. You're free to help or sleep."

"I'll help sleep, how about that?"

Seungmin laughs knowing that should have been an option for him. With a nod of his head, the younger gains a koala while he begins to prep what he needs to.

Chan's head is next to Seungmin's ear. He can hear the older man breathing, but with each ingredient he pulls out, there's a verbal confirmation of what each item is. Taking his koala's suggestion of adding meat, Seungmin waddles around the kitchen chuckling each time he may have to tap Chan on the cheek from snoring in his ear.

He knows the older man wouldn't want to leave him while he was cooking, but something needed to be done about the sleeping on his shoulder while he's trying to prepare. He taps Chan on the shoulder again and turns around in the elder's arms.

"Why don't you sleep?" he asks.

Chan blinks at the question. "You'll be alone," he says. Slapping his face, Chan grins and drags Seungmin away from the counter and spins him around. "We're going to dance because if I leave you alone, then I'll actually fall asleep."

"To which you need, hyung."

"Hush child."

Seungmin makes laughs and shakes his head. "But hyung!"

"I said shush child," Chan says again spinning Seungmin once more.

With a roll of his eyes, Seungmin lets Chan dance with him. At first, it's odd as they awkwardly move without music but with Chan's laugh in his ears, Seungmin spins the older, and their dance session begins.

It's a different feeling when he dances with Chan than when he dances with the others. More like they're enjoying doing silly movements than actual dancing. He feels light on his feet and forgets for a long moment what he's supposed to be doing. It's not until Chan decides it's time to wrap his arms around Seungmin and begins to slow dance that Seungmin remembers he's supposed to be putting Chan to sleep. He sighs.

"Hyung," Seungmin says causing Chan to whine.

"You're not supposed to remember," says the older.

Their movements continue to slow until they're doing that teenager slow dance. Seungmin finds himself pressing those quiet kisses to the elder's shoulder as they spin in lazy circles. Chan presses a gentle kiss against Seungmin's neck to which he finds himself with his wishes in his head. The second kiss, he finds himself wishing that Chan finds the sleep he needs to well in his next composition. The third kiss, he wishes that Chan will come to them when he's tired and ready for cuddles. The fourth kiss, he doesn't get to wish for because Chan beats him to it.

"I love you, Seungminnie. " Chan says.

The familiar rush flows through his veins, anytime he hears those three words.

"I love you too hyung," Seungmin says spinning around in Chan's arms and pressing a long sweet kiss against his lips. "I love you very much, Chan."

The smile on Chan's face is blinding more than it is sleepy. "That's hyung to you, you brat."

"Shh," Seungmin says pulling away from Chan's embrace and pressing a long kiss against sweet lips.

He pulls away to look at Chan's heavy-set eyes and hums. "Sleep hyung, please."

Chan sighs and nods before perking up. "Will you give cuddles if I sleep?"

Seungmin can't help the laugh falling past his lips. "You too?"

"Me too!" Chan cheers with a dimpled smile and his eyes brighter than before. "But who else asked?"

"Binnie hyung and Jinnie. I promise Innie cuddles tomorrow, but I suppose I slide you in my cuddle schedule if you want with the other hyungs."

Chan raises a brow. "And where are Changbinnie and Hyunjinnie?"

"Asleep on my bed," Seungmin replies when the rice cooker dings. "Why?"

"I thought-" Chan says as Seungmin unwraps himself of his hyung to check on the grain. He opens the cooker and hums to himself.

"I went to get them. They've been away for the past few days hyung and needed to rest in their beds."

Chan's lips form an O when Seungmin turns around. He smiles at the younger. "You're working hard today, aren't you, Seungminnie."

Seungmin only hums and looks at Chan expectantly. With a loud sigh, Chan nods again and begins to turn away towards the stairs. Before he can take the first step, he turns around and blows kisses towards an embarrassed Seungmin, claiming loudly that he loves Seungmin more than anyone in the house and by the last step he sees Chan takes, Seungmin can hear Jeongin and Felix's "I love him more, Chan hyung! What are you talking about?".

Seungmin laughs and turns back to his small meal for Jisung, a light feeling fluttering in his stomach. _Maybe I have nothing to worry about_ , he thinks to himself as he begins to chop vegetables and sear meat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'ALL. 
> 
> i did my second update to which i'm kinda proud of. i wanted to include some of winking chan but if i can't handle it when he actually does it, how am i supposed to handle writing it??? 
> 
> moving on. i don't have much to stay this time, only thank you to those who gave me birthday wishes, i wasn't expecting that but then again, i suppose i should have... also thank you to those who comment and thank you for just reading this in general. but yeah. please leave a kudo and a comment if you like and i'll see y'all tuesday ^^


	8. little things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Seungmin loves a burrito.

[little things: one direction](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wBzR7zhA0g)

Seungmin walks up the stairs with a plate in his hands, two rows of gimbap sitting in the middle. He keeps his steps slow while his gaze slides between the plate of food and the way he was going.  

Woojin's and his door are still closed when he passes by while the door to Jisung's room is open. Taking his gaze off Jisung's door, he turns back to Woojin's where he slowly opens the door and peeks his head inside. 

Felix and Jeongin are huddled in front of the bed while Woojin lazily runs his fingers through his younger lovers hair. He looks up at Seungmin and sends a sleepy smile. 

Seungmin returns the smile. "I made food?" he says holding up the plate of food. Felix eyes the plate and begins to think and with a quick movement upwards, he's out of the room, barely brushing against Seungmin. 

"Lixxie hyung," Jeongin says with a yawn, "was on a roll. Guess he was hungrier." 

Seungmin just blinks and walks out of the room, careful not to bump into anything when he closes the door. Silently, he makes his way to his room where he opens the door and fights another coo. 

Changbin has somehow become the bottom of this dog pile that is Hyujin and Chan. There's a small look of discomfort on his face, but it vanishes when he nuzzles his face into Hyunjin's shoulder. Seungmin coos quietly and closes the door.  

Before another unnecessary thought can come (he can feel one coming), Seungmin pushes Jisung's door open to find a burrito looking human much like he found Woojin. Jisung's fluffy hair sticks up in different directions, and bloodshot eyes shoot to Seungmin's face before they land onto the plate. His face contorts to a look of distaste which is enough for Seungmin to place it on one of the dressers and walk to the bed. He sits in front of Jisung, his legs under him and just watches the other breathe. 

The older's chest rises and falls with each puff of breath, a broken smile spilling from his lips. He opens the blankets, begging Seungmin for warmth and cuddles to which he obliges. He wraps his arms over Jisung's torso and pulls the older closer. Closing his eyes, Seungmin stuffs his face into Jisung's neck and breathes, the soft scent of rose and spruce wood filter in his nose. He presses a soft kiss against Jisung's neck and just feels his lover in his arms. 

Jisung's shoulders begin to shake as if he was waiting for a moment to let the tears fall. Seungmin doesn't understand why but he's not going to make himself question the older male in his arms. Instead, he going to press continuous kisses to his neck and whisper small encouragements. 

"They're so loud, Seungminnie," Jisung says after a moment. "I don't know why but they're so loud." 

Jisung's tone is one he never wants to hear. A sound so broken that every other word cracks with disappointment and grief. Seungmin shuts his mouth and listens. 

"They tell me the things I don't want to hear. How eating will only make me larger than I already am. That eating will make you guys not love me. That eating will force my boyfriends away from me, and I don't want that. I want my boyfriends to love for me." 

Seungmin sucks in a breath and counts to five. This is very delicate this situation. Something Seungmin knows he won't be able to fully control and the thought scares him. He's not going to be the boyfriend he should be. 

That bubbling of panic hits his mind with full force as he feels his body begin to shake.

A rambling Jisung stops talking when he feel shaking coming from his younger lover and opens his mouth to say something. Seungmin's mind clears, however,  when he hears Jisung's voice stop. This isn't the time or the place for this. He thinks to himself. I need to... 

"What else do the voices say?" Seungmin whispers out.

"Seungminnie," Jisung says. "You're about-" 

"And listening to you will help," he doesn't mean to snap, but he doesn't want to go there. He wants to worry about this first. He takes a deep breath and looks at Jisung's chest. "Jisung, what do voices say? I want to prove them wrong." 

Seungmin pulls away from Jisung's body to look into the watery eyes of the owner. There are questions on his lips, but Seungmin shakes his head. "Tell me," he says. While the worry for Seungmin is there, Jisung's eyes speak volumes at the doubts of his own mind.

"They tell me that my cheeks are too big," he whispers as he looks away from Seungmin's gaze. He covers his cheeks almost as if hiding them would make Seungmin smile.  

"Lies," Sungmin says as he reaches and pulls away Jisung's hands. "Your cheeks are a perfect size. Even if they were too big, they'd still be the perfect size to press sloppy kisses too." He pauses for a moment before pressing a long wet kiss against Jisung's cheek. "Next." 

"I'm too fat." 

Seungmin wraps his arms around Jisung again, holding the small man in his arms. He runs his fingers against Jisung's side causing him to squirm at the feeling. "If you're fat, then I'm a whale."

"You're not." 

"And your not fat. You have a little tummy yes," Jisung forces Seungmin away. There's hurt in his eyes, but Seungmin smiles. "But I love it when you have a little tummy because I poke and prod at it until you yell at me to stop. It's what makes Jisung Jisung." To prove his point, he reruns fingers against Jisung's side, poking the soft skin. 

Again, Seungmin pulls away from Jisung's body. "Remember this Jiji that even the goddess of love herself had a couple of rolls on her body and She still was the most beautiful woman in the world. While you're not a woman if the goddess of love can have a couple of rolls, then why can't you?" Seungmin takes a deep breath.

Jisung looks near tears when Seungmin stops talking. The haze of doubt is slowly clearing. 

"What else?" Seungmin questions staring into Jisung's eyes, waiting for the particular set of words. He raises a brow.

"That," Jisung pauses, "that my boyfriends don't love me." 

Jisung looks so small when he says those words, his expression looks close to crying as the world falls apart around him. Seungmin grabs the older's hands and squeezes them. 

"Am I your boyfriend?" Seungmin questions. 

"Yes." 

"Do I love you?"

Jisung says nothing and Seungmin feels his heartbreak and the quiet anxiety eating at him again. He knows he doesn't show enough affection for his boyfriends, but it's just who he has been since he can remember. If Jisung is questioning his love for him, then maybe he's not showing enough. Seungmin gulps to keep his voice from wavering. 

"Jisung, do I love you?" he asks again. 

Jisung looks at his hands. "I don't know." 

Seungmin fights back a scoff. "I love you," he says. "I love your cheeks when you smile and the way your eyes crinkle along with them. I love it when you throw your head back in laughter when Minho hyung says something stupid. I love it when you cry watching romcoms because when is life ever like that? I love it when you brush your fingers through your hair and bite your lips trying to look sexy, and I love it when you play with your earring when you're nervous. 

"I love it when you wrap your arms around Felix when he needs a hug and when you yell at Chan when he needs to sleep. I love it when you get angry at Woojin's parents with me because they're horrible people. But most of all I love it when I catch your looking at our boyfriends with so much love in your eyes that it makes me want to cry." 

Seungmin takes gulps of air as he breathes heavily after his speech. A flood of tears rolls down Jisung's face as he stares at the younger with eyes wider than Seungmin has seen before. There's a look of satisfaction on Seungmin's face and he it from the way Jisung suddenly launches himself at him. Jisung sobs loudly against his ear as he squeezes the younger, curling himself into his lap. 

Seungmin feels his eyes tear up at Jisung's sobbing, but he pushes them away and continues his tradition. He presses the wants to Jisung to get better against his hair and the hopes Jisung will realize how much his boyfriends love him. He wishes for those horrible voices to leave Jisung alone and he knows he's fine just the way he is. There's no need to change Jisung into someone he's not. 

And finally, Seungmin presses a gentle kiss against Jisung's head filled with love and hope. 

Jisung quiets down a few minutes later, the walls echoing his quiet sniffles and gentle pats on the back. Seungmin finds himself humming quietly when a loud rumble resounds across the room. Jisung's sniffles stop as does Seungmin's humming. 

Seungmin holds back his laughter. "Are you hungry?" he asks as Jisung holds onto him tighter. 

"Yes," Jisung mumbles. 

"I made gimbap. I know it's not your, but I thought it would do." 

Jisung nods and buries his head more into Seungmin's chest. Chuckling, he tries to detangle himself from Jisung only to have the older male grip him harder. 

"Your food?"

"Minho hyung can bring it when he comes in. Just don't leave. Not yet, Minnie. Please." 

Seungmin doesn't say anything and instead untucks his legs from under him and lays down with the other on top of him. Jisung sighs in contentment. 

The door opens showing a half-naked Minho wrapped in a towel. He doesn't look surprised when he sees Seungmin laying on Jisung's bed with the owner on top of him. Instead, there's a soft smile on his face like he's happy the other was able to get the comfort he needed. He looks to Seungmin and walks towards him, pressing a soft kiss against his forehead. Seungmin turns away to allow Minho to get dress while he cards his fingers through Jisung's hair. 

Jisung's breaths begin to even out and soon enough, he's asleep.

He stays asleep when the bed dips and Seungmin turns his head to look at Minho, the oldest reaching out and running his fingers through Seungmin's hair. Seungmin closes his eyes. 

"I heard him," Minho says quietly. "I heard him, but it didn't sound like the crying he had been doing." 

Seungmin hums. 

"He loves you." 

"And we him," Seungmin says opening his eyes and staring into black pools belonging to Lee Minho. 

"I need to put the food back," Seungmin says looking away from Minho's stare. 

"I ca-" 

"No!" Seungmin almost shouts, mentally kicking himself when Jisung shifts. They both pause to see if the other is going to wake, releasing a sigh of relief when he doesn't. "I need to get something before I come back." 

Minho raises a brow. "If you come back. I walked into your room, and Hyunjin demanded to know when you were coming."

Seungmin smiles and motions for Minho to take the sleeping boy off his chest. "He knows when." 

Minho hums and takes Jisung, cooing as the orange haired male snuggles into Minho's warmth. Seungmin quietly leaves the room with the same plate of food, mentally promising himself to give it to Jisung later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my gods, i thought i wasn't going to update until later tonight but here we are with the update! yay? i'm kinda disappointed in this chapter and i don't know why. there's just something that i don't like about it and i can't put my finger on it. but it is what it is. :/   
> anyways, there's only two more chapters left and i'm trying to decide on putting them both out on saturday or not so we shall see.   
> well that's all for today folks. if you would like to leave a comment or a kudo then i'll be very grateful. until the weekend, y'all~ 
> 
> (also someone tell if there's a typo or something. i checked through it a couple of times but i can't seem to find anything but they might be hiding like the annoying pieces they are.)


	9. photograph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Seungmin in an accomplice to Minho's antics.

[photograph: ed sheeran](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgmXPCX4VzU)

Seungmin tries not to rush downstairs with the uneaten plate of food, passing a cuddling Woojin and Felix on the couch. Felix looks up with a small smile on his face before he continues to card his fingers through Woojin's locks.

Quickly, he places the plate into the fridge and calls over his shoulder not to eat Jisung's food as he was going to eat it later. He takes two steps at a time and makes way to Jeongin's room to retrieve Minho's gift.

The black bag is right where he left it. Reaching in, he pulls out a rainbow box with large white words reading "Polaroid Film".

The other has been out of film for the longest time, choosing to pay for things he didn't have to instead. He took care of everyone while dancing and running back and forth from his classes. Seungmin figures the older man had to be a bit tired.

When Minho did have film, he would giggle in various corners of the house, taking pictures of unsuspecting people before rushing off to someone else. He would do the same thing to everyone until he was satisfied with the outcomes. After all the pictures were taken, he'd hide in his room and giggle to himself as he placed the printed photos in their homes. He had photobooks filled with nothing but pictures of the nine of them in various poses and different expressions.

Seungmin smiles to himself when he leaves Jeongin's room. He hides the box of film behind his back and smiles brightly when he enters his room.  Hyunjin, Changbin, and Chan are still sleeping soundly as he walks by, giggling at the sight of Changbin's open mouth and drool spilling from the side of his mouth.

Quickly, he makes it to Minho's side of the room and grabs Minho's polaroid, his fingers running over each of the stickers placed on the white device. Each sticker of Minho's has a story from when they were given to the dancer. Seungmin hums quietly at the one he gave him, a small picture of a wolf from the day Minho had taken the younger out on a date to the zoo. The memory is filled with fond smiles and secret kisses hidden behind various children attractions.

A debate forms in Seungmin's head of opening the film in the room or with Minho, the second option sounding a lot better than the first. Maybe, he can be the one taking a picture instead of the older. Seungmin smiles and walks out of his room but not without giggling again at the three on his bed.

When he makes his way to Jisung's room, he puts on a bright smile he knows doesn't reach his eyes. Minho looks up from the bed, his phone in one hand and the other petting Jisung's hair while he sleeps. There's a suspicious look in Minho's eyes as Seungmin continues to smile, opening the box as quietly and quickly as he can. The back of the camera opens easily once the package is open and he properly puts in the film.

"Wha-" Minho begins, but Seungmin snaps the back of the camera shut and pulls it out quickly, taking a picture of a surprised Minho. It takes a moment for the older to realize what happened and when he does, he throws a small glare in Seungmin's direction while the younger just smiles.

"What the fuck?" he says.

Seungmin laughs quietly and watches as the picture prints out. Waving it around, he walks towards the bed, staring at the white background.

"Here," he says holding out the camera and keeping the picture to himself. The more it begins to form, the more Seungmin isn't sure he wants to give it to the elder.

"I figured," he begins when he stands in front of a still glaring Minho, "that you could use film. You haven't been taking pictures in a while."

Minho's glare softens when he opens his mouth and licks his lips. He takes a moment before he smiles gently. "I hadn't bought any because I haven't had time."

"Well," Seungmin says grinning when the picture finally develops, "now you have quite a bit of film, and I expect to see more pictures in your album, hyung."

He looks to the older and sees the look in Minho's eyes. It's enough for Seungmin's insides to melt. He had been so focused on making sure everyone else was smiling for a little bit that he didn't have time to feel the full impact of his melting inside. Now he was almost done, he could feel the rising heat against his cheeks and the love in the air.

The position is awkward when Minho reaches for Seungmin, pressing his face into his stomach. Seungmin can feel soft kisses being pressed against his tummy too which he tries to stop the giggles from leaving his mouth.

Running his fingers through Minho's dark locks, Seungmin presses his own kisses to the top of Minho's head rolling his eyes when the older suddenly pulls out of Seungmin's embrace, snatching his camera from Seungmin's hand.  

There's a light in Minho's eyes that Seungmin hadn't seen in a while and he's sure he's going to be blamed for all the pictures that are going to be taken.

Quietly, Minho shifts Jisung away from his body and tucks the younger man in, pressing a kiss to orange locks. Dark eyes meet darker ones, and suddenly, Seungmin is pulled out of the room.

"You're my accomplice," Minho says as closes Jisung's bedroom door. "Everyone is getting their picture taken."

Seungmin can only laugh at his hyung's antics when he's pulled into his room. The positions haven't changed much from the five minutes he wasn't in the room. The three of them are still in some form of cuddle pile, Hyunjin lying on his stomach with his face in between Chan's neck and shoulders. Chan sleeps on his back, one of his arms under Hyunjin's body and gripping Changbin's hand. Changbin's fingers are intertwined with Chan's, but he's away from the two of them.

Minho looks at Seungmin. "Do you think we can make Changbin cuddle the two of them?" he stage whispers. "I don't have a picture of Changbin in a cuddle pile, and I would like one."

Seungmin chuckles. "I'm sure you can coax Binnie hyung into the pile but good luck trying to get Channie hyung's grip off Binnie's hand. Remember he has a death grip when he's sleeping. "

Minho looks at the hands. "I know just the thing."

Seungmin has known Minho long enough to recognize when the elder is going to do something he has no say in. If the mischievous glint in Minho's eyes is not the indicator, then Seungmin doesn't know what is. Before he can think twice, however, Minho is grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the bed.

"I'm going to remove Chan hyung's death grip from Changbin's hand and move Changbin into the cuddle pile. You are going to hold Chan hyung's hand, so he doesn't wake up," he whispers.

Seungmin doesn't see how of any of this is going to work, but he knows better than to question anything Minho does. Usually, he'll one scolding his hyung instead of doing whatever Minho wants, and he's not prepared for the 'what are you doing, Kim Seungmin' from the others.

He sighs and motions for Minho to begin his elaborate scheme in getting a picture of Changbin in a cuddle pile.

Minho walks to the bed with a bright smile on his face. He studies the sleeping men for a moment, before beginning to work. He pries Chan's fingers one by one causing the older man to grunt in his sleep and hold on tighter. Minho lets out a quiet sigh and tries again, the smile never leaving his face.

He looks to Seungmin when he's done, waving the younger over. Seungmin's fingers intertwine with Chan's. The older's hand is slightly clammy and a little sweaty but that doesn't stop of the smile on Seungmin's face. Looking up, he sees a fond look on Minho's face as he watches Seungmin's thumb run across pale knuckles.

"Hyung," Seungmin whispers.

Minho shifts his gaze away and grabs Changbin's hand and tugs. It's an awkward tug as Seungmin sees how wrong this might look. He's not even sure if Minho's plan is actually going to work, but he keeps his mouth shut and watches as Minho has a slightly hard time trying to pose Changbin.

Changbin's grunt is loud when Minho accidentally tugs a little too hard. They both freeze and wait for the youngest music producer to wake up, but he only smacks his lips and turns towards Hyunjin.

Minho looks ecstatic when Changbin shifts himself and makes his job a little bit easier. He motions for Seungmin to rise his and Chan's hand higher as he mimics pushing the other. With a roll of his eyes, Seungmin raises his hand the best that he can without waking up Chan.

With a quick shove, Minho pushes Changbin against Hyunjin's back and waits for any kind of movement from the others. Nothing happens to which Seungmin is amazed. How do they not feel the bed moving so much? How does Changbin not feel it when his body is being manipulated by Minho? Maybe he was more tired than Seungmin thought.

Seungmin lowers his hand and begins to peel Chan's fingers from his with little difficulty. Minho huffs when Seungmin places the elder's hand on Changbin's shoulder.

Seungmin turns around and raises a brow at the older, but he's having none of it. Minho gently pushes Seungmin to the side and takes his camera to and takes his picture. A flash of light goes off in the room, and Minho curses under his breath, as a whine fills the room.

The whine startles the both of them and the next thing Seungmin knows, he's outside of the room with a picture in one of his hands and Minho's hand in the other. They look at each other and stare as if they were taking in the sight of the other. Seungmin's eyes travel drinking in the view of Minho's kitten lips, round cheeks, and crinkled eyes as he begins to smile. Puffs of laughter leave his lips as Seungmin feels his bubbling in his throat.

They don't hear one of the doors opening, but they hear a sigh. Both of them look up and continue to laugh while Woojin looks unimpressed. He takes in his two laughing lovers and notes the camera in Minho's hand. Shaking his head, he turns around and goes back into his room. Before he closes the door, he sticks his head out and looks at the two of them.

"I have two giggling idiots already," he says, "I don't need another two giggling idiots. Stay out."

For some reason, Seungmin and Minho find this to be funnier and they continue laughing, missing the fond look in Woojin's eyes as he closes his door with a soft click.  

As their laughs die down, Seungmin leans against the wall and accepts Minho's hug as the older man sags against his body. Without a thought, Seungmin drapes his arms around Minho's middle. His thoughts travel to his wishes and smiles when he presses his lips against soft strands of hair.

He wishes for Minho take as many pictures as he can and that he takes care of himself more. He presses another kiss with the hope he'll pay attention to the things he needs and not just everyone else's. He's a person in an eight-person relationship, and he too needs his space like the rest of them. His next kiss is filled with nothing but his love for Lee Minho, and he hopes the older knows how much Seungmin loves and adores the time they spend together.

When Minho pulls away, there a smile on his lips as he presses a soft kiss against Seungmin's.

"I love you too,' he says softly.

Seungmin is over the moon with Minho's words, a smile blooming on his face as he presses another kiss on Minho's lips.

Minho leaves Seungmin's embrace and walks back to Jisung's room but not without more kisses thrown in Seungmin's direction.

Before he follows his hyung, however, Seungmin smiles to himself proud over the fact he was able to make his lovers smile. He's in love with the smiles so much that in the back of mind, he knows he should show more love to them. That thought he shakes away again, knowing that if he panicked now, everything he just did would be for naught. He needs his lovers to be happy and relaxed. He can worry about his emotions in a little bit.

But for now, Seungmin is happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> annnnnnnnnnnnnnd that's a wrap y'all. 
> 
> but wait miki isn't there supposed to be another chapter after this??? 
> 
> yes BUT the more i thought about it, the more i felt like maybe the next chapter would be it's own story because when i thought about it, seungmin has given love to everyone already so why not make a fic in which everyone gives love to seungmin? (what a long sentence).
> 
> but you know.... i'm not going to say anything else because i just gave myself an idea and if you follow my twitter, you'll know i give myself a LOT of ideas. but this one, i'll stick to. 
> 
> ANWAYS before i get severely side tracked, this is the ending of eight letters and i would like to thank everyone for reading it. thank you to those who kudoed along the way and those who will kudo later. thank you for the sweet comments where i tried my hardest to respond to. it's been a pleasure writing something i'm not entirely used to. i am working on my next story but please be warned that it's on the other side of the spectrum. annnd yeah, that's it! <3


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